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Saturday, 13 June 2009

here's what's been happening
- I finally got rid of Psycho Pete. Thank God.
- I came back from NYC with my tonsils all huge and gross and was put on antibiotics
- I'm getting my tonsils out on June 17th... WEDNESDAY... I'm slightly nervous as my bloodwork came back abnormal twice (something about clotting.... yikes) and the fact that I've done a lot of reading on the subject and it .... contrary to the general public's belief... IS NOT AS EASY AS HAVING IT DONE WHEN YOU ARE A KID!! And honestly, eating ice cream and popsicles all the time doesn't sound appealing. But the 10+ pound weight loss will be nice. Haha.
- My stomach is all torn apart from all the drugs and I'm hoping I don't turn yellow again. Dear Liver: Please survive. I love you. Love, Me. I get the tummy gurgles and rumbles all the time and constantly feel like puking. And no. I'm not pregnant. I've had like 4 urine tests in the past month to decide since I'm on Depo and they're like "we still have to check" even though I'm not sexually active.
- I'm planning on going back to school. Possibly in January. I have to get my shit together and get my loans paid down further. I want to go to Oakland University for a Bachelor of Science degree in Integrative and Holistic Medicine with minors in Health & Wellness and Diet & Nutrition. Lofty, I know, but they're the things I'm most interested in, find myself researching for no good reason, and ENJOY. I want to help people be happy and healthy.

Sunday, 29 March 2009

lots been happenin

things have been kinda crazy this month. like hella crazy. saw a good show. gonna go see hyper crush. hanging out with people in my hometown now.. it's weird, i have a life again kinda. i dunno. i'll post more later. i gotta update you kids on everything. i know.

Friday, 13 February 2009

Things are good.
Things have been really good. F'real. I'm not sure what else to day but here's a quick synonpsis since I need to get ready for work:
1. I moved $900 of my $978 federal tax return into my savings account -- This still left me with $1000 in my checking account.
2. I went to Planned Parenthood and had the best annual exam ever -- Trish, the Nurse Midwife who did the exam was so awesome. She explained so much and made the whole thing comfortable rather than sterile and awkward. I'll be giving a donation in her name "In Honor Of" to PP of W&NMi.
3. Work is going better -- I think Esther finally realizes I'm not going to up and leave on her ... I mean one day, maybe, but I'm starting to feel like it's my personal mission in life to put OMH in the spotlight.
4. I joined Bennethum's Beer Club! SUPER fun.
5. I LOVE music more than ever.
6. I've been working out a lot -- it's working and showing. PP said I was 4 pounds lighter than at home ... which made my day for sure. Plus, Hello Confidence.
7. I'm pretty confident in myself at all times now.
8. I'm doing Relay for Life in Otsego County -- going to be on the OMH team and hopefully get more to join as well.
9. I'm pretty sure I'm going to Europe this summer to see Krystiana.
10. TONS of trips being planned -- simple weekend trips --- simply because I can.
Oh, and I'm starting to look up places to move to in Gaylord.

Sunday, 01 February 2009

I've hit the point of no return in terms of insanity

It's this kind of stuff that makes me sick to my stomach...

I am not doing ANYTHING with my life. I've become part of The Workforce, Drowning. Something I NEVER wanted to do. I never really thought my whole, anti-corporate attitude back in the day had any firm grounding, but now that I've crossed the line and step foot into it, I feel a firm grip on my ankle, holding me there, preventing me from doing anything remotely different ever again.

They're all robots. Fucking robots. Lack of imagination. Lack of life. Okay in the idea that they've fallen in line with the rest of the world -- With the name brands, spa treatments and the pretending to be grown up. They've all sold their souls to the corporate devil, and I don't want to be any part of it. The yes sirs. No ma'ams. The 'I don't want to offend anyone' rhetoric of people afraid of life. The same sad song sung by the people who were told NO too much when they were growing up. I'm tired of being told no. I'm tired of hearing excuses from people. I'm tired of all of it.

i'm just tired of it all.

Saturday, 10 January 2009

It was just a plane ride...
So, while I'm waiting for Franklin to get done updating so I can begin the Ginormous 2+ Hour Workout of the Week, I thought I'd post.

2009 has started out wonderfully ... beautifully ... fantastically ... all aside from the HORRIBLE headache I had when I work up on 1/1/09. I hadn't even been drunk the night before ... hell, I didn't drink ANY alcohol on New Year's Eve.

Besides everything I wrote about last time here's what's new:
1. I got to webcam with Krystiana for like 4 hours last night. She's in the Air Force and is stationed in Germany ... it was hella fun and lots of laughs. I miss her like crazy. She's engagd to a fellow airman, which makes me slightly jaded since EVERYONE is falling in love or whatever, but oh well... I'm super happy for her.
2. I've been a crazy work out fool. I took yesterday off to let my body "heal" and am getting ready to hit the treadmill, the floor, the wall, and everything else with a level of energy I've never had before. Through it all, I've lost 4.5 pounds since Tuesday. I'm hoping to lose an even 10 by the time I go to MQT next.... which is Thursday. Haha.
3. I got a "raise" at work and passed my 90 Day Review with flying colors. My raise is because the minimum went up, but whatever. I'll take the 27¢ increase. Plus, I'll be up for another percent raise in like April. Considering it took how long to get any sort of "raise" in potwash... yeah. Plus, I've already been earning Paid Time Off.
4. My knee is almost 100%!! Working out I think has been helping it. That and stretching, and just losing weight in general.
5. I'm going to MQT on 1/15!! I am so excited I can't put it into words!! Yay! Friends! Yay! Booze! Yay! Boys!
That's about it. Time to get workin-workin out. Happy weekend everyone.

Thursday, 01 January 2009

A Dustland Fairytale

My sister got me the new Killers album ("Day & Age") for Christmas. I HIGHLY recommend it. It's amazing. Has a 1980s/Nu Wave type sound, which some people might not like/be into, but oh man, it is AMAZING.

Happy 2009!!

Let's see... I'll break this into sections:

1) Boys:
----- My ex, Brian, is now dating his best friend, Liz. I couldn't be happier for the two of them, because all along I knew it was only a matter of time before it happened. Sure, part of me is sad, but mostly, I'm happy because I can FINALLY close that whole chapter of my life. I told him shortly after Christmas that I didn't think we should really talk at all starting in 2009 -- He asked if it would "Fly" ... I think it is, because as of 12/27/08 we haven't talked. It's probably because of the new deal with Liz, but whatever. I don't need him around to string me along with BS. I think when he's done done with boot camp, I'll probably get ahold of him to say congrats, and check in once and awhile, but other than that... I'm done with him. It's time for me to be me and find the person I'm supposed to be with.

----- I'm not going to the hockey game at MSU with Ryan. Mostly because I'm tired of meeting boys off the internet. I'm tired of feeling like I'm not good enough for "In Real Life" dating. I met Brian off the web, and it was awesome while it lasted, but I've had enough of it. Awesome for people it has worked for, but for me .... I need to move past this stupid computer.

----- Pete T. and I are still talking a little bit here and there. I'm excited to see him MQT in 2 weeks, but I can't be anything more with him besides friends. I never thought I would say this, but he doesn't take care of himself enough for me to really want to be with him. He's a great guy (despite it all), but he isn't that physically active, and I just.. I can't be with someone like that if I'm trying to better myself.

----- Pete B. ... I got to see him for about 2 hours the day after Christmas. He's one of my best friends ever, and sitting and talking to him about life and everything, I realized that that's all he and I will ever be. I'm totally cool with that. I feel like I'm growing up.. and I'm excited to go see him in Seattle this summer and paint the town red.

2) Life:
----- Work: It's getting better. I've resolved to do some stuff in 2009 that will hopefully make it better. I'll get into that more in a bit since a lot of it revolves around something I realized about what my purpose on this Earth is.

----- Working out: WOOT! I started the New Year out right by working out for an hour! I also "ran" a mile in 19:45 ... that basically means 2 minutes jogging/3 minutes walking, and with my knee still bothering me... that's pretty good, since I haven't been under 22:30 in um.. like.. 15 years? Haha. Yikes.

3) Spirituality:
----- I've realized I need to get back into some sort or "religion" or something. For guidance mostly. I'm really lost in life in some aspects, but I've realized that I've been put on this Earth to make people around me step out of their comfort zones, and to grow and be stronger people. This relates to a lot of areas of my life, but in terms of work....

Oh work. My boss is a little bit shy ... a little bit unsteady on her feet when it comes to some things, and I can already tell that by me being there she's starting to stand her ground and get stronger in terms of being firm with people, or trying new things. It's exciting to see. I've decided that it's no use trying to pretend to be someone else I'm not. I'm going to bring music in, I'm going to be my loud and boisterous, crazy self. It's time to show some people what else exists in the world.

4) Decisions:
----- I've decided that I'm going to talk to a recruiter about joining the Navy Reserve. I don't want to do enlisted because I like my civilian life, but I would still like to travel and just.. be part of something bigger than myself on so many levels. Since I have a degree, and am gaining experience, I could go in and be commissioned as an Officer. This would be awesome. I don't know if it's because my dad served 22 years in the USN, or if it's that I just the idea of the military and being part of this bigger than life community... but I'm not sure what else could give me a life experience, work experience, and artistic experience, quite like that.

I have a lot of weight to lose before I can do it... if I even can considering my medical history, but it'd be worth it. It would totally be worth it.

------
I think I'll post resolutions tomorrow... mostly because my list is upstairs and I think once I head back up there I'm up there for the night. Haha. I still haven't decided if I'm going to work tomorrow or not. I technically don't have to, but we'll see. I think I want to take tomorrow to work out and start my HUGE organization overhaul while my sister is at work. And maybe paint or something.

HAPPY 2009 EVERYONE!! BEST OF LUCK!

Monday, 29 December 2008

For the 3rd time this month....

I've felt like not living anymore.

I seriously think something must be seriously wrong with me. I'm going fucking crazy living at home. I hate not having my own space. I hate feeling like I'm being watched. I fucking hate sharing a room. I hate sharing a bathroom. I hate all of it.

The perfect song just came on: Turn Smile Shift Repeat by Phantom Planet

that's what work is for me. Turn Smile Shift Repeat. Bend over fucking backwards because nobody else around me seems capable. And then they talk snotty to me because "Whoops" on top of EVERYTHING OTHER FUCKING THING I HAVE TO DO I forgot to upload the fucking pictures they wanted.

For fuck's sake. Everything's topsy turvy since my boss came back and I feel like I'm gonna do something horrifically wrong to screw up my job. And everything's like "Let's play fucking nice."

NEWSFLASH: THIS GIRL DOES NOT PLAY FUCKING NICE.

I'm a bitch. I'm cold hearted. I don't fucking tap dance around the mother fucking tulips. Nobody else seems to know how to put their foot down. You WILL offend someone. Chances are, they're the people you don't want around in the first place if they can't handle it.

I need something else to do with my fucking time besides play around with fucking whimpy assholes.

I'm tired of the marriage stories. I'm tired of the kids stories. I'm tired of it all.

I can't even find a guy who wants to be in a relationship with me. They all just want to get in my pants. And the one guy who wants to be in a relationship with me scares me. I have NOTHING to talk about with the people I work with. N-O-T-H-I-N-G. I'm like this little kid they hired who they all think is silly because I don't understand my insurance benefits.

"Aww, look at little Kimmy. She doesnt get her insurance stuff. Isn't that cute?" FUCK YOU. STEP THE FUCK OFF. Sorry my parents didn't work for the fucking UN. Sorry my parents didn't work for GM. Sorry my parents don't live on fucking Beaver Island.

FUCK IT. God dammit. I'm so pissed off right now I could seriously break things.

I know what I have to do. I just have to do it. And hope to god it works out right. Haha. Right. God. Where's He been lately? Obviously, looking out for someone else.

Saturday, 27 December 2008

As of right now, what song relates to your life and why?

"Details In The Fabric" by Jason Mraz

Why? Because I'm in a transition period of my life, and the words, "Hold your own. Know your name. And go your own way. And everything will be fine," just really make me feel like things will be okay.

It's not that I'm in a bad spot -- I'm not. I have an amazing job, a family who loves me, I've been losing weight, paying off debt, etc, etc... but I'm not where I want to be. Eventually though, eventually I will be...

As long as hold my own, know who I am and what I stand for, and take my own path despite what others give direction for... everything will work out... and eventually I will be where I want to be.

I just answered this Featured Question; you can answer it too!

Saturday, 20 December 2008

i can't believe it's been like 4 months...

Since I've seen Brian.... 3 months since he went to boot camp... and and and he's coming home tomorrow for 10 days before he has to go back for 6 more weeks since he fractured his heel at some point.

We've been in some contact since before Thanksgiving. Most recently he sent me a photo via text message, and let me know on Facebook today when his flight leaves tomorrow. It wasn't until the texts, and the pictures that I realized that I missed him. Especially the last picture he sent the other day. *sigh*

My plan was to be all working out hardcore and lose a bunch of weight before I saw him again, but I'm more confident in myself -- both in looks and personality -- than I ever have been thanks to work. I'm not afraid to be myself anymore and I am how I am.. and I look how I look (for right now) anyways, and all I really want is to see him and have a beer (or 10) and laugh and get a hug.

:)
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